Tonight

. . . sitting here watching the fire go out.

Thinking things, why do I think?

Where is the off button?

Where is the pause button?

I was crying? When did I start?

Dear God,
Please, don't take my daughter yet. Hold her safe during her surgery. Let her
have sweet, sweet dreams and then give her back. Please, give me strength to walk,
breathe, think, give me patience and understanding and serenity. Please, hold our
hands, walk with us.
Love, Faith

Countdown

The countdown is on. Day by day.
January 18th we go in for pre-op at 9am.
January 26th we go in for surgery at 8am.

I don't even know what to say or how to tell you how I feel today. I think I just want to sleep. I want to sleep until it is all over and let it all be a dream.

Christmas

Christmas 2009 is over... the gifts are all opened and the mess is almost all cleaned up. Drums are already dented... she loves them and wants to "rock it" all the time! (her words exactly) Monique had a wonderful time. She adores having family around her. Last night while I was snuggling her into bed, she asked is we could have a party tomorrow night, and the next night and then again.

What a beautiful girl... what a beautiful spirit she has in her little heart. We are December 26th.. boxing day... one month exactly from today, Monique will be in intensive care. Hopefully everything will have gone without complication.

This Christmas was very hard. I tried to smile and laugh with the rest. But I felt like crying. I feel like crying. I wish I could bottle all the magic of Christmas and bring it with us into the hospital. I would put it in an empty sprinkles bottle and shake it all over her before and after surgery.

ox... Dear Santa... if you have any magic left, could you please mail it to me

love Faith

Mom, what does it mean?

Well. Monique asked me the inevitable question this morning... "Mom, what does it mean... they are going to fix my heart."
What do I say? I completely went numb. This is how the conversation went:
Um, Um... it means they are going to open the zipper where your scar is and fix it so you can run again.
ok.. are they going to cut me?
I don't know... I am not your doctor.
Will it hurt (while her lip is shaking)
A little yes... but like a blood test, it hurts for a little and then it gets better.
ok (with an extremely pensive look on her face)

wow... a heavy morning
Half hour later she showed up in the kitchen in her panties doing a hoola dance! silly girl. She is going to be quite a little personality!

Save the date

Monique's surgery will be January 26th and her pre-op will be January 18th 2010. I desperately hope that the pre-op doesn't scare her too much for what will be to come. Please pray that her symptoms do not worsten until then.

I cannot wait until she can run and play as she wants without worrying it is too much. I can't wait to let her be active again.

SNOW!

I have never seen such excitement for snow. Monique announced that Santa was coming now that there was snow... ha ha ha. When I showed her how many more days before he came it was too funny. She asked why it was snowing then. I replied that the ground had to get ready for Santa too! It was decorating itself like we decorate inside.

Monique was exausted when she got home from school today. She cuddled up on the couch and was falling alseep. She said she was going to have a nap. I told her she should go in her bed. She agreed and went, got snuggled in all by herself and slept for about 45 minutes. Now, for those of you who know Monique, that is completely not in her "normal" behaviour. Poor babe. I think it is time to start picking her up early from school if she is this tired when she gets home. No need to tire her out more then needed.

Please keep praying that her condition does not worsten before her surgery. ox

Gingerbread house...

My brother came over last night and helped us make a gingerbread house... :)
We had lots of fun.